“Not All Advancements in Technology are a Good Thing”

I'm not one to drop the kids off at a public pool, if you know what I mean; I prefer to use my own private pool where I know just whose cheeks were on the seat. However, this past weekend we were out and I had to go really bad, to put it bluntly I was prairie dogging it.

I felt as if I was going to have a Beverly Hillbillies moment…up through my buttocks was about to come a bubblin' crude…it was not a good thing. So unfortunately I had no choice but to hop on the porcelain throne with a quickness, I knew I wouldn’t even have time to sterilize the crime scene.
 
 So I clinched my cheeks firmly together and wobbled into the restroom making sure not to have any leakage along the way and proceeded to drop off my cargo. Shortly after the first drop, plop and splash I realized I was stinking up the joint, so I turned around and reached for the handle to do a courtesy flush.

To my dismay I realized it was one of those automatic flushing toilets and I was poop out of luck (pardon the pun), well unless I wanted to hop off the seat with my full moon hanging out in all its glory to make the toilet believe I was done.

Needless to say I decided against it, because with my luck I would have ended up tripping on my pants when I stood up, falling face first on that nasty ass floor, leaving me unconscious and my bare bottom up in the air for all to see…and claim if they so choose to. 

I tried to quickly finish up so I could get out of there before anyone else came in, which thankfully I managed to do. So in my opinion this is one time where technology did us wrong, they should have left well enough alone.

Now I know this advancement was supposedly to make things more hygienic…and of course so that it would flush when one of those flushless bastards did their business, but come on man this is just crazy.

I later found out that some of these automatic flushing toilets do indeed have buttons on them for flushing, and I must say after finding that out I felt kind of stupid. Here I was trying to move side to side like a running back trying to avoid being tackled hoping to trick the toilet into flushing and all I had to do was hit the button…so not cool.

The bathroom I was in also had those motion activated sinks; and trying to use them was just as much fun as the toilet. I spent more time trying to get all this crap to work then I did…well crap.

I felt like the Karate Kid just trying to wash my hands…water on, water off. I hate those gosh darn things (sorry for the harsh language I'm just PO'ed). I looked like a retarded DJ scratching on turntables trying to get the water out of the faucet; people were looking at me like I was mentally handicapped.

I love the advancements in technology when it comes to my video games and such, but please for gosh darn sakes, leave my bathroom alone! Say goodbye to the courtesy flush people, it's a thing of the past thanks to all these eggheads.

MJM