“Getting Busy in the Sheets…Doing it Ghost Style”

I think my place is haunted! 

By that I don't mean the kind of ghost you would find in an episode of Scooby Doo, that is really just some dude who is up to no good in a disguise, but rather an invisible being who is there but at the same time not really there...if you catch my drift.

Now I don’t know if I’m dealing with Casper here, or something you would find in one of the Paranormal Activity movies, but what I do know for sure is that Mr. Spook is up to something and he's not looking to be BFFs.

There are times when I feel like I’m being stuck with something, and I don’t know if it’s a ghost shank or a creepy cock. 

When you can’t see the said object it is kind of hard (pardon the pun) to tell what it is, and at the same time very disturbing.

What worries me, is that I am one of those mouthbreathers you hear so much about, and I would hate to be sitting on the couch watching my favorite television program while some ghoul is shoving my pie hole full of ghost cock. 

Getting pounded by a perverted poltergeist if you will.

Speaking of which, does it make you gay if you unknowingly give a BJ, and I don't mean a Bartles & Jaymes, to a ghost? 

If there was a movie based on my life would they call it, "Brokeback Haunted House"?

I thought I heard moaning the other night, kind of sounded like a banshee, but I don't know if it was real or if the bastard was just faking it like the majority of my girlfriends.

I pray to God that he didn't shoot his ectoplasm all over me (giving me a slimer), especially in my mouth, because that would be totally grodie.

Also, for the record, I would definitely spit, there's no swallowing going on here...sorry boys!  

I may have been raped by a spirit, had a close encounter with an apparition, and I may need CSI: Ghostbusters to figure it all out, there's no doubt who I'm calling.

I don’t know if my ghost is gay, not that there’s anything wrong with that (mad props Seinfeld), or just some kind of freaky supernatural being. 

Regardless, either way I’m worried that if I called in an exorcist that I would be labeled a gay ghoul basher, and I’m not about that.

My luck is that he is just some sexed up porn star who is stuck in purgatory and can’t leave my house until he comes to realize some special message or accomplishes a particular task, for example, skull screwing the living.

What to do, should I just lay there and let him have his way with me, all with the hopes that he will treat me like a one night stand, that he would bang and bolt?

However, with my luck he may realize what a piece of ass I am and attach himself to me as if he was a barnacle and I was a ship's hull (I'm sexy and I know it).

Then I would be stuck with a ghost stalker who’s always trying to earn my love.

I don’t know, I’m at a loss. 

I guess I’m just going to have to suck it up (not talking about the spiritual spooge here people, get your minds out of the gutter) and just let things happen as they will. 

The whole time hoping I don’t get impregnated…hey if a virgin can have a baby why can’t I?

Where’s Haley Joel Osment when you need him? 

I would really like to know what this sexed up soul was really up to, why is he messing with me, why is he treating me like his bitch.

No daddy I don't want to pet your phantom penis!

Oh sorry, just a childhood flashback...don't worry, I'm seeing someone for that.

MJM