“Dress to Impress”

Blogging it is a woman’s world, us men have no place in it, our sense of humor and our twig and berries are as out of place as Jay Z at a KKK rally.

I didn’t have any kids of my own, and of course I’m not a chick, at least not in every sense of the word, so I had to figure something out if I wanted to succeed in this "woman eat man" world of blogging.

I had some pets, a few cats and a dog, so I could always just pretend they were kids and that would solve the whole “not having any kids” issue, but I was still a man in a woman’s world.

I thought about going the way of Tom Hanks in Bosom Buddies and dressing up like woman and writing one of those mommy blogs, because we all know to act the part you have to fit the part, but I just didn’t know if I could manage it.

Then I remembered what my mother used to tell me, “You never know if you can do it unless you try”, so that is exactly what I did, I tried.

I went to Walmart and bought myself some women’s clothing and undergarments (of course), I just told the clerk who was helping me that it was for my “twin sister”, that way I could get all the right sizes without having to try everything on.

When I got home I put it all on and it fit like a glove, I felt free and fresh, like as if I could ride a horse and/or play tennis without a care in the world, I felt like Julie Andrews in The Sound of Music.

I never thought that getting in touch with my feminine side (huh huh) could be such an experience, one that could make me feel like as if I was Jack in Titanic and I was king, or in this case, queen of the world.

I was going to be the RuPaul of the blogging world; I was going to be absolutely fab-u-lous and no one, or no gender bias, was going to stand in my way, I was going to go all “To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything! Julie Newmar” on those sexiest blogging bastards.

Only problem is, I found myself playing dress up more so than I found myself writing, I looked like a million bucks but wasn’t getting any work done, I was like one of those hot secretaries who was sleeping her way to the top instead of earning it the right way, but without all the hanky panky.

So unfortunately to be able to get work done, I had to take the women’s clothes off and get back to being a man (no more "Crying Game" parties for this man), but I do still wear the panties…what can I say, they are way more comfortable than anything us dudes have.

MJM