“A Michael Keaton Kinda Life”

I sometimes feel as if my life mirrors Michael Keaton’s movie career, now by this I mean there are a lot of similarities between my life and the parts he plays.

With my attitude…and my off-the-wall sense of humor…I am constantly fighting with a bunch of “stiffs” to show them even in the gloomiest of situations we can find humor and a reason to party like its 1999…like in his movie Night Shift.

Being out of work… with my girlfriend working and two kids to look after…I have found myself playing the role of the mom…which I totally suck at but I am getting better with time if I do say so myself…like in his movie Mr. Mom.  

Speaking of working…I tried, I did my best…I always put my best foot forward and tried to do what was best for the company…but then, for no reason whatsoever I got the axe…not just once, but twice…so yes I’m a little bitter and I really hate to go back to work for the “man” but unfortunately my electric company doesn’t take IOUs…just like in his movie Gung Ho.

I sometimes try a little too hard to be the life of the party…the class clown if you will…and it always ends up backfiring and pissing the people off around me. I don’t know…it must be a birth defect or something…but I seem to find humor in just about anything. I know one day my antics will end with me getting my head shrunk…which in all reality wouldn’t be a bad thing because then I could put on a hat without the use of a shoehorn…but eventually I am going to annoy the wrong person…just like in his movie Beetlejuice.

I wish I had some really cool overcoming addiction story which would make me seem more manly…but to be honest I’m a complete wuss…the hardest thing I do is Tylenol…like in his movie Clean and Sober.

And I am an escaped lunatic from the mental hospital running from the law…just ask my family…and the voices in my head…I’m sure they would all back me up on this…just like in his movie The Dream Team.  

 

I also go around fighting crime dressed like a bat…hiding in the shadows and keeping the streets of Gotham safe…oh man who am I trying to kid…I would just love to have Michelle Pfeiffer sitting on me in the tight black cat suit and licking my face…like in his movie Batman Returns.

I am a blog writer…which is not as easy as it seems…well okay it is but there’s always that desire to be the best, to top the other guys and of course to come out of this on top and to be a success…like in his movie The Paper.

I have a lot to do…I’m a busy man…and the day never seems to be long enough for me to get everything done…so needless to say I need some more Michaels. I thought about making copies of myself…but knowing that the copies are never as good as the original…and also knowing that the original is already a few eggs short of a dozen, like thirteen to be exact…that may not be a good idea…I may end up with some Walmart shoppers on my hands…or worse yet politicians…like in his movie Multiplicity.   

I guess when all is said and done…I’m just plastic man who is trying to take over a Barbie world…like in his movie Toy Story 3.

MJM