"Masturbation"

Masturbation...why is it such a taboo subject...why are people afraid to publicly admit that they enjoy partaking in it…if we have an itch do we not scratch, if we are hungry do we not eat, so it goes without saying, when we are horny why not pleasure ourselves?

People need to loosen up and not be so uptight...now I'm not saying we should resort back the whole free love era of the 60's...nor am saying I'm all for the whole everyone humping everyone else like rabbits mentality of today...but being a little less tightly wound could be very beneficial for your health and wellbeing...and not only that, it's also an incredible stress reliever.

I remember when I first found out about masturbation…it was during one of the many showers my parents forced me to take, and of course I went in kicking and screaming…however, once I started soaping up a certain body part and it grew like Pinocchio’s nose when he lied I knew I was on to something.

Admittedly at first I wasn’t really sure what was going on…but with some practice I became a real pro. Needless to say from the point on my parents never had to fight with me to take a shower…I was taking five or six a day…I felt like such a dirty little boy…on so many different levels.

It's a whole lot safer than playing a game of naked leap frog with just about everyone and anyone you meet, not only because of the chance of an unplanned pregnancy, but also because you could be a participant in a game of STD tag that you weren’t even aware you were playing. I’m not saying we should all become celibate, but a little less free humping with random strangers you met at a bar wouldn’t necessarily be a bad thing.

Honestly  it scares me because condoms aren't safe enough...if I don't have at least a Hefty trash bag and a roll of duct tape available I'm avoiding going in like as if it was a haunted house and I was Scooby-Doo…or at least until Ziploc starts making condoms…yellow and blue make green.

We also had some very useful products come from the mind of a masturbator, for example Photoshop. Men were using a version of Photoshop long before the advent of the computer, except we didn't call it that, we called it sexual fantasies.

We would see an attractive woman, one who we knew we had no chance with, and we store her image into our memory banks…maybe give her the outfit we saw on that chick at the mall (aka that hot mannequin we saw in the store window) and then have her do that thing that we saw in that movie (huh huh)...and voila we now have had a "good time" with her, without her even being involved...and/or us being brought up on charges.

Also, wouldn’t you prefer to come home to find your significant other masturbating because they had some urges that needed to be satisfied, rather than finding them in bed with someone else…well unless of course that someone else happens to be a chick, then in that case I may just sit in the corner watching and handle my own business.

Call me a punk if you want for not trying to get in on the fun, but if that did happen I would not dare try to, of even want to for that matter, join in their sexcapade. I’m not stupid; I know I have a hard enough time satisfying one woman…what would make me think I could handle two.

Now don’t get me wrong, I have had some pretty wild fantasies but for the most part they are all within my limits and totally obtainable, needless to say, you won’t be seeing any of my fantasies in the” Letters to Penthouse” section...I know I’m not all that exciting, but I don’t like to set the bar too high…that way one day I may actually accomplish something.

MJM