Just
as the title states, this is a collection of my random thoughts when it comes
to sex and all things perverted. I had no other place to put them so I figured
I would list them all here for your viewing pleasure. You're not going to find
any pearls of wisdom here, or heartwarming sentiment, just a bunch random
nonsense that popped in my head throughout the course of my day.
Random Thoughts...
Masturbation:
Remember
when masturbation was easy, all you needed was the underwear catalog from your
local newspaper and you were good to go.
Sometimes
you didn't even need any material at all; your little buddy would stand at attention for no reason whatsoever, just begging for you to give him the Heimlich
maneuver so he can spit up whatever it was he was choking on.
Now however
you need to prepare, you need to set the mood just right, otherwise you are
just trying to start a car with no gas…it’s just not going to happen.
When I was
younger just wearing loose pants on a windy day would make my junk a happy
camper, now however, if everything is not done just right I’m not going to get
any satisfaction…just a sore wrist and weenie burn.
Orgies:
I know
having two or more women in the sack at one time is supposed to be every man’s
fantasy, but I can honestly tell you it is not mine, not in any which way shape
or form.
I can
barely take care of one woman, and by barely I mean not at all, so why the heck
would I want to add more to the mix, that’s like trying to pat your head and
rub your stomach at the same time…it’s just not happening.
Not only
that, the woman would now have a witness to her claims that I was a tiny dick two
pump chump, and I can’t have that.
At least if
it’s just me and her in the mix, when she calls me out in front of an crowd (which
they always do), I can deny it and just claim she’s cray-cray, but if she has
backup I’m pretty much screwed.
Crazy Fetishes:
I’m not
trying to call anyone out here, but I just can’t get into all that crazy stuff,
it’s just not my thing.
I know I’m
boring, but I’m okay with that, because I like my sex safe and predictable.
I don’t
like surprises; I don’t like to play guessing games when I am buck naked in the
dark with my hiney hole exposed.
You can
keep all the crazy costumes, the bodily fluids and the torture devices, I’m
perfectly fine keeping things plain and uninteresting.
Beavis and Butt-head Mentality:
What I mean
by this is the whole, “They said (blank) huh huh” thought process.
I know
admitting to this makes me seem like a complete immature tard, but what can I
say, I’m all about the honestly.
Whenever I
hear something that sounds remotely sexual I start laughing like a hyena on
goofy gas.
Think what
you will of me, but I know I’m not the only one who does this, maybe not so
much the woman, but the men for sure.