“Manspreading”

First it was the seats on an airplane, fat people had to buy one or two extra all depending on their circumference to accommodate for their girth.

Now however, they’ve gone too far.

They are attacking innocent men who have no other option but to sit with their legs spread on the subway (manspreading), either that or run the risk of racking themselves.

When it comes to buying extra seats because you’re fat I’m all for it, because for the most part fat is something you can control, but having balls is not and one should not be penalized for it.

Of course one does not have to have their legs spread as wide as a trailer park tramp who accepts foodstamps for a good time, but there does need to be a gap just like in Michael Strahan’s teeth.

I’m all for standing so a woman could sit, but trust me another man would completely understand and not think twice about letting the spread happen as needed.

If anything a man sitting next to you might just get up to help a brother out, trust me I know because I’ve done it myself, us carriers of the jewels have to stick together.

And if need be, when I do ride the subway, I would have no problem buying one or two extra tokens, all depending on what kind of testicle day I was having,  just to make my wiener and meatballs feel comfortable.

As for all those people out there who are claiming it’s just an ego thing, which I’m sure are all women, don’t know the half of it.

I don’t partake in the manspread because I think I’m hung like a horse, but rather because I know the pain of having one’s balls squished, and believe me it doesn’t feel good.

Some of you may say if that’s the case then why do butch lesbians do it?

In all fairness though that is not an accurate comparison, because they are trying to be like a man, so they will take on certain mannerisms of ours to accomplish that task, even sitting like us.

If I want to be like a fish I would swim in the ocean, but that doesn’t mean I can breathe under water, understand?

The bottom line is that this “movement” isn’t really about our fellas and how much room we allow for them, but more so the fact that some men won’t vacate their seat for a woman.

I completely understand that, and as I stated before would be more than happy to do so, but in all reality this kind of behavior from the men of today is partially to blame on the women of today.

Relax, before you go all girl power on me, I’m just saying that you send mixed signals when it comes to what a man should and shouldn’t do for you.

You need to make up your minds and let us know, do you want us to act like complete gentleman, or let you be woman and hear you roar?

No matter what the outcome, just please keep the “kids” out of this.

They have nothing to do with all this nonsense and don’t deserve to be placed in front of the firing squad or in a vise-grip (ouch).

Well there you have it, my feelings on the spread and the men behind it.

Take it for what it’s worth but always remember, while yours can close shut like a clam, ours has to have plenty of breathing room like a blossoming flower.

MJM  

“1st and 10 Years: The Cheating Game”

This past Sunday, the call that made Cowboys fans rejoice and Lions fans go all Ray Rice on their television sets.

The infamous pass interference call in the 4^th quarter that could have changed the outcome of the game, but was reversed because of who knows why; we may need to call in the Scooby gang to figure this one out.

We can all argue our points as to whether it was or wasn’t the right call, but if we’re being honest here we will also admit that if it was our favorite team who just happened to be playing Detroit in that game we would have jumped for joy like someone in one of those old Toyota commercials when it was overturned.

Was it shady business?

Well they were playing in Dallas and according to TMZ a Mr. Dean Blandino (league’s vice-president of officiating) was partying like it was 1999 on the Cowboys party bus just days before the game, things that make you go hmmm indeed.

With me being an avid Giants fan, I do believe that the Cowbitches, sorry I’m trying to be professional here; the Cowboys did in fact pull a fast one and end up with an undeserved win.

However, in all fairness to Dallas that’s really only because I hate them with a passion and anything that makes them look bad I’m all for it, so take it for what it’s worth.

Now as far as cheating is concerned.

I have news for you, once there was money to be made in the sporting world there was cheating to be had, and yes even with our beloved football, and yes even in today’s game.   

From the referees (who are just a direction of stripes away from being behind bars) to the teams who do things like inform the obviously medically enhanced franchise player of a “surprise” drug test to take place after the big game to everything in between, cheating is as much a part of football as the ball itself…just ask Bill Belichick.

Some players, referees and even teams (well except for the New York Giants of course) are as crooked as politicians, the NFL is nothing more than Capitol Hill, and to believe otherwise is utterly ridiculous.

When it comes to the players, above the law off the field but only if you’re having a winning season on the field, don’t believe me just ask Ray Lewis, Adam "Pacman" Jones, Michael Vick, Ray Rice, etc.

Bad calls, cheap shots and making it rain on players who are nothing more than a flash in the pan (Snickers anyone) all with the hopes of making it to the top of the mountain and bringing home the gold.

Now of course spending an exuberant amount on money for the so-called next big thing isn’t a crime in itself, but it sure as hell should be, especially after these bastards end up sucking more than Monica Lewinsky.

Obviously this past Sunday’s call/no-call pass interference fiasco wasn’t the first ever football what dafuq in the sports history, and trust me it won’t be the last, so just get over it and move on people…even if it does mean the Cowboys moving on (yuck).

So now that all the cards are laid out on the table, and we’re all on the same page here, enjoy the game and may the best (and sneakiest) cheaters win.

Here’s to Greenbay…at least for this upcoming weekend anyway.

To all those people who think that Tom Brady got a bum deal in the whole DeflateGate scandal...

The man is one of the most seasoned and decorated quarterbacks to play the game today, so to believe he wasn't aware of the deflated balls is just utterly ridiculous, we aren't talking about a rookie here. 

It's not so much that he was aware of it prior, but more so that he didn't bring it to anyone's attention while it was going on, so it's still cheating. 

I personally think he got off easy.

MJM