“Feeding the Fitness Frenzy”

It’s no big secret that most people don’t like to work out, they will find any reason imaginable to avoid getting all sweaty and nasty, it’s very sad and completely unhealthy but unfortunately it’s true.

With that knowledge firmly planted in my brain, and not wanting the planet to look like a worldwide Klumps (Hercules Hercules) convention, I decided to do something about it; I wanted to find a way that would make working out fun and thrilling for all you fat bastards out there.  

After thinking long and hard (huh huh) about it, I came to the conclusion that the best way to get people excited about working out would be to fuse it with something that they do enjoy, like for example…wait for it…eating.

First, we add dumbbells to all the eating utensils, that way while people eat the food they love, they will simultaneously be burning the calories they are consuming and strengthen their arms in the process, a total win win situation if you ask me.

Next, we need to get the people moving, because without cardio and only weight lifting we will have a bunch of Santa Claus looking mofos with arms like Arnold and bellies like jelly, which is absolutely no good.

Here’s my idea, we place the refrigerator on a treadmill (I know genius right), and I know what some of you haters are thinking, “would that really work” and my answer to those sum bitches would be hell to the yeah it would.

Think about it, while they are standing in front of the fridge trying to figure out what to fill their faces with, they will have to keep moving or risk being pulled away from that beautiful box of chilled goodies, thus getting in their cardio and receiving a nice delicious snack for it.  

We could also increase the size of the portions our food comes in, and no I’m not off my rocker here, believe it or not there is a method to my madness.

Think about it, people love to shove as much as humanly possible into their pie holes, there is no such thing as too much when it comes to food, at least not by our standards, and empty mouth is a sad mouth…am I right.

My thought process behind this move is that while people are shoveling the crud into their guts, sooner or later it has to come back up, their bodies can only hold so much, so in a way it is like instant bulimia.

Finally, and this one is only for the straight dudes out there, we serve all meals to them on gay people, because you know, if they eat it they will catch gay, and what heterosexual male in their right mind wants that.

There you go, my eating for fitness plan, of course it is still a work in progress, but when all is said and done people will be eating to be fit, not fat…won’t that be frigging awesome.

MJM