“Farts”

They are funny as hell; they smell like poop and if done correctly they can really clear a room, so what’s not to love about them? Why do these little gassy guys get so much slack, it’s not like we all don’t do them and/or enjoy when they slip out between the cheeks…whether we admit it or not.

Who doesn’t like a good fart, when there is an awkward silence in the room because no one really knows what to say, they are a great way to break the ice and to get people talking again…and laughing if done right. Also, when you’re in the tub, there’s nothing like a stincuzzi…am I right.

I know some of you tight-butt people out there in cyberspace, and no I’m not talking about the people who have done the Buns of Steel videos, but rather the people who are afraid to laugh at what is funny about this world, will claim they don’t find them funny and/or entertaining…but we all know you’re lying.

God made them the way they are because he wanted us to laugh at them, they are here to amuse us, and of course to dispel the gas out of our bodies, but more so to amuse us. So with that said, why not enjoy them for what they are, why act like there is something wrong with them?

Farts are our friends people, and the sooner you realize this and embrace them with open arms, just not open mouths because no one wants to eat a fart, the better off we’ll be. Unclench those glutes and let the boys out to play, fart and fart proudly…and for you ladies out there, don’t try to quiet the queefs either, because they are funny too.

To be fair though I must also talk about the bad side to farts too, now of course the negatives don’t surmount all the positives, but unfortunately they are not perfect and they have their flaws. For the record, the negative side to farts is normally with the one who dealt it, not the fart itself.

Farts aren’t all just shits and giggles; sometimes they can be dangerous too, at least as far as the farter is concerned. For example, one may feel as if they just have to fart so they go through the motions ready to release the beast, only to find out that innocent fart was actually the beginning of a turd (aka shart).  

Now while this is embarrassing to the farter, and guaranteed to leave skid marks in their draws, it quite hilarious to the rest of us. Sure we may have to wait until they stop crying before laughing at them, but the wait is so worth it, and watching them walk away with mud butt trying to keep their booty tightly closed to avoid any additional shit streaking is freaking  hilarious.

Another fart related issue would be the SBDF (silent but deadly fart), only because people will squeeze these smelly bastards out and never warn anyone, and will hit you like a sucker punch. These farts sneak up to any unsuspecting nose and fill it with stink, they are like the ninja of the fart world, and depending on the deliverers diet these farts may just knock you right on your ass.

Finally we have the lighting on one’s fart, turning something so beautiful into a tool of destruction, a raunchy smelling blowtorch. This makes absolutely no sense to me, but to each their own, I would be lying though if I didn’t admit to secretly wishing their ass inhaled instead of exhaled and sucked the fire into the hole, burning their colon and singing their pride. If it did they would think twice about doing it again, ruining a perfectly good fart, you bastards should be ashamed of yourselves.

Well that’s about all the negative I can see when it comes to farts, so needless to say they rock and should be enjoyed to the fullest. Even the names that go along with the deed are great, they are called things like butt-burps, cutting the cheese, the mouse on a motorcycle, the shit splits, breaking wind and of course busting ass just to name a few. Seriously, does it get any better?

Keep on laughing…keep on farting…and stop being such a tight-butt.

MJM