“Dafuq”

I knew I loved you before I met you…

I received an email from a person I never met before, who just happened to be a hot chick that seemed to only get her photos taken at Glamour Shots.

S/he first posted a very flattering compliment on my profile pic, I believe it was the word “NICE” followed by two (count them 1-2) exclamation points…what a smooth operator.

Then s/he requested we get to know each other better, so email addresses we exchanged and things quickly got hot and heavy, like a baby’s diaper after eating a nice big meal.

S/he told me she lived overseas, just broke up with her boyfriend and was ready to find a new man, totally sounded legit to me.

S/he was asking for more pictures of me, wanted to know where I lived and of course wanted to know what I did for a living, we were moving along faster than a speeding bullet…and there was no doubt in my mind that I was about to get me some cybersex baby.

I asked her if she wanted pictures of me, or my extra big bank account (oh behave)…I knew s/he wanted my digits, but when I say digits I don’t mean my telephone number, s/he wanted my bank account numbers.

We were wasting time with these pleasantries, and I also knew she was just waiting for me “da man” to make the first move, so that is exactly what I did.

I straight up asked her how she felt about sex, and if she had any nekkid photos of herself (boi oi oing) she could share, just like any good studly dude would do with a hot profile pic.

S/he acted all offended and said, “Now’s not the time to talk about sex”…well I called shenanigans and reminded her what those great poets Salt 'N' Pepa said, “Let's talk about sex, baby…Let's talk about you and me…Let's talk about all the good things…And the bad things that may be”.

Her response back to me was that I wasn’t serious, and that she couldn’t waste time with someone like me, the next thing I knew she was gone, offline like a drunk driver taking a sobriety test on the side of the road.

Now I know we only knew each other for a few hours or so, but I really felt like we connected, as if she was my cyber soul mate.

I now sadly sit at my computer eagerly awaiting the notification ding of a new email, all with the hopes that it is from her, and not some more stupid spam crap trying to sell me on penis enlargement pills.

It’s the end of the world as I know it...

In all seriousness, if any of you men are planning on entertaining this person (or the many others like h(im)er, my advice to you would be "to get a room"...and not one at a motel, but rather one with padded walls.

Come on men; think with the right head for a change and stop doing such stupid things like falling for this kind of crap, you’re making all us intelligent men (yes ladies we do exist, believe it or not) look bad.

MJM