"Political Gangs"

Democrats and Republicans...Washington's version of the Bloods and Crips...only in a shirt and tie. Think about it...both groups use colors to represent their respective hoods and group affiliation (red and blue), both groups scare people into joining them and both groups kill those who oppose them.

 

Also, just like the Bloods and Crips...Democrats and Republicans are out for themselves and no one else...if you're not with them, then you're against them...to believe otherwise is foolish.

Who do you think controls the illegal drug trade, the arms distribution and just about all the other crime in their respective areas...think about it.

They keep us fighting amongst ourselves and at odds with our neighbors...the more chaotic our lives are and the more we feel as if it's us against them...the less likely it is that we will come together as a cohesive unit and rise up against this corruption...and government.

 

There's a political turf war going on people...and we're caught in the crossfire...open your eyes and smarten up...duck and cover some beaches.

 

O.G. baby...original government!

 

MJM

"COPS"

Why all the hating on the police...now I know they're not perfect, there are some bad apples in the bunch if you will, but overall they are not all bad. Just like in any profession you're going to have some screwballs that give the rest a bad name...like for example, a few Catholic priest molest young boys and now because of that society believes they all do...which is obviously not the case. Remember people, the stereotype represents the minority not the majority...I know it's hard to believe and doesn't really make sense, but trust me it's true.

 

There are plenty of hard working good cops out there, doing their best to protect and serve their community and us as civilians....so it makes no sense to me why anyone would hate on them. Now I can understand "gangsta rappers" having beef with the police or even someone who has had a firsthand negative experience with them, but the average everyday Joe...that's just crazy.

 

My cousin who is only fifteen and is as white as can be, thinks he's a thug. He is always talking trash about the police...saying stupid crap like "snitches get stitches" and calling every cop crooked and underhanded. I tried talking to him, I tried setting him straight letting him know that wannabe thugs end up in ditches or in prison as one of Bubba's bitches but he just didn't get it. He walks around with his hat cocked sideways, his pants sagging and a chip on his shoulder and he's straight outta the country club...the kid is as hard as Charmin.

 

If you've noticed, most of the people who are against the police are the same people who are breaking the law...but as soon as some serious poop goes down, these are the same people who are running for the phone to call 911...what a bunch of posers. Considering the police are one of the highest forms of authority, I guess it's just a way to rebel, kind of like when you're a kid and you rebel against your parents and/or teachers...it makes you feel like a real bad boy...a rebel without a clue.

 

The cops aren't there to spoil your good time...as some people would lead you to believe...but if your "good time" puts me and/or my family at risk of having a bad time then you can bet your buttocks that I'm calling them on you...and they will be all up in your hair like the po lice.

 

Me personally I love the cops...call me a cop caller...call me a snitch...but when things start getting out of hand I'm right there on the phone calling in the cavalry. I don't claim to be hard...I know I couldn't survive in the joint...I would be holding onto some big guys belt loop and being traded for a pack of smokes in no time...so instead of trying to act like a tough guy, I let the pros handle it.

 

Whatever it is you call them...pigs, coppers, five-oh, the man...it doesn't matter to me...in my book they rock and deserve respect. Up with the cops and down with the crooks and wannabe thugs...straighten up and live right people...you're not Al Pacino and this isn't Scarface.

 

MJM

"One-Uppers"

Have you ever spoken to someone who, no matter what the topic is, has to one-up you? You say you did something and they reply that they did the same thing, but just with a little more pizazz than you did. These people just don't do it once a conversation either, they do it throughout the whole conversation, sometimes even going as far as to interrupt you to one-up you.

 

I often wonder, is what they say the truth, or are they making this crap up on the fly just for a successful one-up. My aunt, who is a chronic one-upper, tops you with some outlandish stuff...like she's topping her hot fudge sundae with thumb tacks...sure it's crazy, but it will get people talking...and honestly, that's what I think her ultimate goal is.

 

Sometimes I'm tempted to try and one-up the one-upper, just to see how outrageous the conversation will become...but that could be dangerous...especially if you're dealing with a professional.

 

Am I alone in wanting to slap these people in the head with a loaf of stale Italian bread?

MJM

"Bad Luck"

Murphy's law...if something can go wrong, it will...the story of my life.

 

I must have broken thirteen mirrors while standing under a ladder and while holding up an umbrella I opened up inside as I crossed paths with a black cat in a past life...because if it weren't for bad luck, I'd have no luck at all.

I feel as if my life was built on an ancient Indian burial ground. 

 

In other words, when I'm done eating my Chinese food I get a misfortune cookie.

 

My heritage is Irish, but I can tell you for sure that I certainly do not have their luck...and thankfully, I do not have their appetite for alcohol either...because with my luck the way it is, I would be drinking like a fish...drowning my sorrows away.

 

Sometimes I feel as if I'm Wile E Coyote and life is the Road Runner...no matter how hard I try to catch the prize, I'm stuck with Acme products and always end up going KA-BOOM when all is said and done!

 

You've heard of the midas touch...well I have the shitas touch...everything I touch turns to crap!

 

I don't know what I would do if things ever went off without a hitch.

 

MJM

"The Wedgie"

Why is it considered nasty when you pull a wedgie out in public, if there's mail in the box you have to get it out?

Just like pooping, we all do it, of course some more than others and some at the most inopportune times, but the bottom line is we all unwedge our wedgies. 

As long as you're not running for president and going around shaking every one's hand after you dislodge the cotton, then what's the problem? 

Not only that, but the longer it stays up in there, the bigger the risk is that it'll come out with bacon strips and/or skid marks on it...and who in their right mind wants that.

Speaking of wedgies, I really don't understand how people can wear thongs, at least willingly anyways. 

I could see if Guantanamo Bay used them as a means of torture, possibly to coincide with waterboarding, but to purposely stick something up your kiester makes no sense to me at all. 

I can't take a healthy dump without wincing in pain, so I couldn't imagine intentionally trying to get something up there all with the hopes of making my ass look good for the benefit of the people behind me. 

The bitches behind me aren't that important, because if they were they would be next to me and not bringing up the rear, not hating, just saying.

I know that thongs and/or g-strings don't actually go up in the puckered brown starfish, down the dirt road, up the hershey highway, etc, but it comes pretty close and that's what makes me feel uneasy. 

Mine is an exit only, and just like those exit doors with the alarms that sound when they are opened, mine will do the same if anything tries to go in...just FYI.

For gosh darn sakes (sorry for the offensive language), kids in school give other kids wedgies as a way to humiliate and bully them, so why we do it purposely to ourselves when we get older boggles my mind.

Forget banning dodgeball from the schools, ban the wedgie!

That's why I'm thankful I'm not gay, not that there's anything wrong with that, but truthfully I would have to be celibate if I was, that or strictly stick to Ben and Jerry's...if you know what I mean.

MJM

"Being Sick Sucks Donkey"

I'm still here...and still just as sick as ever.

 

I've been popping cough drops like as if they were candy and drinking down NyQuil like as if it was chocolate milk...in an odd kind of way I feel both good and bad at the same time. I have the heat blasting on me and I'm wrapped up from head to toe...I feel like a Egyptian mummy on a Florida beach wearing a fur coat in the middle of summer.

 

Speaking of mummies...my mommy isn't here to take care of me and to listen to me whine, so I figured I would do the next best thing and whine about it on the internet...with the hopes that some female out there in cyberspace would hear my cries and would be willing to virtually coddle me...I feel so bad right now I don't even care if it's some big fat greasy dude pretending to be a female, as long as the end result is me getting some of that sweet motherly love I'm all good.

 

I have so much crap coming out of me that if I kept it all I could reconstruct Slimer from Ghostbusters...by the way, it may just be the cough syrup talking, but am I really the only one who thinks that the word slimer sounds kind of perverted. Anyway, my head feels like someone smacked me in the face with a loaf of stale Italian bread...over and over again.

 

Considering how bad I'm feeling, I knew I couldn't let all my internet friends down, so I got myself out of bed just to write this quick note telling you all that I felt like poop...and if you truly loved me you would send me buckets of hot chicken soup, cases of crackers and a sexy nurse to take care of me...just saying.

 

It's no fun being sick, I know everybody says that, and is aware of that, but I'm special (at least that's what my mommy tells me) and deserve to be able to say it without people looking at me all cross...show me some love.

 

Okay all you party people out there...I'm about to get back into bed...of course right after finishing off the rest of my purple drank...so I can get my Zs on. You guys/gals have fun and stay out of trouble...until next time my friends.

 

MJM

"The Tough Life of a Blogger"

This morning I was trying to brainstorm to come up with something clever to blog about...but it wasn't even drizzling...actually there were no clouds insight...it was bright and sunny in my brain and I had nothing to say.

 

I figured chatting with some of my friends online, who are also in the business, would help me come up with something good to blog about. So with my Pepsi Max in hand...which is the breakfast of champions, just in case you didn't already know...and sporting my Incredible Hulk underoos that I had since I was a kid, sure they're a little snug and look like they were dipped in chocolate and soaked in lemonade, but gosh darn it they're comfortable...I headed over to the computer to start chatting.

 

Unfortunately I wasn't able to resolve my problem, my writers block stayed intact, but I did have a fantastic time chatting with one of my blogging buddies....who by the way can be found right here Terrye Toombs. After all was said and done and I finally got up the energy to get up from my computer chair, I went outside to face the day.

 

I wasn't out for too long because that big stupid yellow glowing ball in the sky was blinding me and the "fresh" air was chocking me, so I went back inside where it's safe...and away from those crazy bastards knows as homosapien...frightening creatures if I do say so myself.

 

The short time I was out, picking up my $5 hot and ready pizza from Little Caesars...and yes, before you ask I did spring for some of that ever so tasty crazy bread...I must have contacted some germs because I started feeling like poop. Now I sit here at my desk, bundled up from top to bottom and now sporting a onesie...sneezing and sniffling...I type this piece to you, my loyal readers...who would be lost without me.

 

I hate being sick...but I do love the chicken soup and NyQuil...so I guess you have to take the good with the bad.

 

MJM