“Difference Between White-Trash and Redneck”

I am sick and tired of hearing people misuse the derogatory terms redneck and white-trash! Believe it or not there are differences; they are not simply interchangeable as one would think. Granted the differences are few and far between, but nevertheless they are still there.

Yes there are also some similarities between the two, for example the mullet, using automobile parts for lawn decorations and of course Walmart, but even with that said they are not one in the same.

I feel as if I'm an authority on the subject because my family is as white-trash as they come, and on the flipside to that, my girlfriend's family is as redneck as the Clampetts from the Beverly Hillbillies. My credentials speak for themselves as you can clearly see.

Now for all you ignorant laypeople out there in cyberspace, here are a few of the differences between the two to help you decipher just who is who:

Most, if not all white-trash are poor, however, you can have rednecks who are tiny like Tim or large like Trump. Wealth, or the lack thereof, does not signify a person being a redneck.

When it comes to sisters, white-trash are typically known to beat theirs, while rednecks on the other hand, are typically known to sleep with theirs. That’s why people say a redneck’s family tree goes straight up, no branches what to speak of.

Rednecks attend NRA meetings, white-trash attend AA meetings. Rednecks worship their firearms, white-trash worship the alcoholic beverage they happen to have enough change to buy at that moment, or steal when times are really tough.

White-trash wash laundry in the sink and hang it out of their window to dry, rednecks just cover their dirty clothes up with a fresh pair of overalls and go on about their business as usual.

Rednecks almost always vote Republican, white-trash doesn't vote at all, that is unless it's for America's next Idol or for a new flavor of potato chips. It’s not necessarily that white-trash wouldn’t vote, but unfortunately their massive criminal records are keeping them from doing so.

White-trash know the American flag flies high above the building where they go to pick up their government assistance, rednecks live and die by the Rebel flag, even though it was for a war they lost. Rednecks take pride in that thing, and they don’t care what it symbolizes, they plaster it all over the place like bumper stickers on a jalopy.

The outfit of choice for white-trash is normally a T-shirt with a rock band or derogatory expression on it and a pair of stained up sweats. Rednecks love camouflage, it doesn’t matter what it is as long as it’s camouflage.

When it comes to shoes, rednecks love cowboy boots, even when wearing shorts. White-trash don’t normally worry about footwear, because their feet are protected by a thick black crust that has formed over them due to may years of walking barefoot outdoors.  

Rednecks drive pickup trucks, normally with fake testicles (but I’m sure if it were legal they would be real ones from their latest kill) hanging from the bumper, or while sporting mud flaps with either Yosemite Sam or Calvin on them. White-trash normally don’t have cars, at least not ones that are safe and/or environment friendly. Most of the time their vehicles are parked on the front lawn on blocks, and they are left taking the bus or walking.

Well there you have it...

These are just some of the differences between the two, which should show you that they are in fact not the same thing. I mean you wouldn’t call an Irish person a Guinea, or an African-American person and honky, so why call a redneck white-trash and vice versa? Come on people, if we’re going to do this, let’s do it right.

So please, the next time you're about to call someone a redneck or white-trash, evaluate the situation and use the correct term. Think before you speak, hate is not good, but when it’s done wrong it’s even worse.

Forget "Ebony and Ivory" by Paul McCartney and Stevie Wonder, we need someone to sing a song about Rednecks and White-Trash, maybe we could get Larry the Cable Guy and Tommy Lee of Motley Crue to sing it…what do you think?

MJM

“If I Were Stuck On an Island, I Would Like to Have…”

Well this question is not as easy to answer as one would be lead to believe…there are many ways you go could go with this…you could always choose the responsible adult direction and say something mature and well thought out…or you could go all out and party like it is 1999…like as if you were Ferris Bueller and this is your day off.   

I could say I would like the Professor from Gilligan’s Island and zombie Bob Vila…to help me turn the island into a place where people could live and prosper and live in peace…or they could help me build my lair of evil…where you would hear conversations such as this…

MJM: We must prepare for tomorrow night.
Zombie Bob Vila: Why? What are we going to do tomorrow night?
MJM: The same thing we do every night, Zombie Bob Vila - try to take over the world!

I could always turn the island into some wild and crazy beach resort…where we could have a “Weekend at Bernies” style good time with Elvis and Tupac…we could be jamming out to  “Don't be cruel…or I’m gonna cap yo ass”…a good old Elvis and Tupac coloration…while we’re rocking the place like a hurricane.

 

I could go the route of a prepubescent boy…and take with me the Swedish Bikini Team and The Baywatch girls…that way we could play team beach volleyball of course. They would all also have a bad case of irreversible laryngitis…and there would be a nasty clothes eating bacteria on the island…which I guess would have us playing skins vs. skins when we get our volleyball on…but for the good of the island I would be willing to ref every game…and rub sunscreen on all the contestants (boi oi oing)…we couldn’t have the girls getting sunburnt now could we.

I could bring with me all the supplies necessary to turn this island into the next Disney World…where people from all over the world would come to visit…leaving me piles of money and children’s puke. I would come up with my own cast of colorful and annoying characters to roam the park and scare the children…I would have people dressed up as all the classic horror movie characters like Freddy Krueger and Jason…wouldn’t that be adorable…and oh so much fun.

But knowing my luck…what will most likely happen…is I’ll be like Tom Hanks in Castaway…spending my days losing my mind and playing with my good friend Wilson. We would never get off the island though…we would die there…only to find out in the afterlife that we were actually in Hawaii…just on one of the empty side of the island.

Some screwball tourist would find my skull…and with it being all enormous and stuff…think they stumbled upon the remains of a bigfoot or the elephant man…so even in death my bad luck would continue and instead of being buried and set to rest…my bones would be on display for people to ohhh and ahhh over.

I tell you...just like Rodney Dangerfield...I get no respect. I’ll probably end up on an island the size of a manhole cover…surrounded by a bunch of homosexual cannibalistic Chippendale (and I don’t mean those cute little chipmunks either) dancers…and I would just so happened to be wearing my barbeque sauce scented cologne that day.

 MJM  

“Stop Pointing Fingers”

I just read an article about how video games cause violent behavior and I have just one question...are people complete idiots. They tried the same crap in the 80s with rock music, remember, play it backwards and it tells you to kill your parents or worship the devil. It's not any form of entertainment medium...it's not even the guns...some people just do wicked things because...wait for it...they're crazy.

People...stop being sheep...wake up and smell the manure that is being spread around and passed off as truth. Stop blaming movies, music and/or video games for the evil things people do...believe it or not crazy people do exist....it's not like we're talking about Bigfoot and/or a government for the people here.

Wise up and realize that some people are just plain old nuts...we are living in a can of Planters mixed nuts people...and the sooner you realize this the better...of course some people are nuttier than others…and they are the ones you have to watch out for. Regardless of what they read, play and/or listen to, they are going to do crazy...and sometimes even atrocious things…it’s just who they are.

With all the crazies running rampant nowadays something needs to be done, but pointing the finger and blaming something else for all the wrong in the world is not the way to go…whether it be video games or weapons. We need to allow parents to punish their children without the fear of repercussion…now of course I’m not talking about child abuse here, but a firm smack on the backside when your kid does something out of line is not a bad thing.

Also, we need to make the penalties harsher on the people who commit these crimes and not broadcast it all over television and sensationalizing it…ultimately making stars out of them. We need to lock these morons away…somewhere way out of the reach of the media…let their trials run their course and if they’re innocent release them back into the wild…but if they’re found guilty then they need to be thrown down the garbage disposal…that or but in a supersized cannon and shoot into outer space.

We also don't need warning labels on music or video games, we need them on people. Everyone should have to submit to a psychological evaluation on a regular basis and depending on the results, should be slapped with an appropriate label. We will have only two labels…which would be an   "S" and an "I"...basically sane or insane.

All the people with an "I" label should be avoided at all costs...and for the safety of others, should probably be sent to Afghanistan or some other terrorist-ridden country, where if they do decide to go postal and/or blow something up, they would fit in just fine.

MJM

“A Michael Keaton Kinda Life”

I sometimes feel as if my life mirrors Michael Keaton’s movie career, now by this I mean there are a lot of similarities between my life and the parts he plays.

With my attitude…and my off-the-wall sense of humor…I am constantly fighting with a bunch of “stiffs” to show them even in the gloomiest of situations we can find humor and a reason to party like its 1999…like in his movie Night Shift.

Being out of work… with my girlfriend working and two kids to look after…I have found myself playing the role of the mom…which I totally suck at but I am getting better with time if I do say so myself…like in his movie Mr. Mom.  

Speaking of working…I tried, I did my best…I always put my best foot forward and tried to do what was best for the company…but then, for no reason whatsoever I got the axe…not just once, but twice…so yes I’m a little bitter and I really hate to go back to work for the “man” but unfortunately my electric company doesn’t take IOUs…just like in his movie Gung Ho.

I sometimes try a little too hard to be the life of the party…the class clown if you will…and it always ends up backfiring and pissing the people off around me. I don’t know…it must be a birth defect or something…but I seem to find humor in just about anything. I know one day my antics will end with me getting my head shrunk…which in all reality wouldn’t be a bad thing because then I could put on a hat without the use of a shoehorn…but eventually I am going to annoy the wrong person…just like in his movie Beetlejuice.

I wish I had some really cool overcoming addiction story which would make me seem more manly…but to be honest I’m a complete wuss…the hardest thing I do is Tylenol…like in his movie Clean and Sober.

And I am an escaped lunatic from the mental hospital running from the law…just ask my family…and the voices in my head…I’m sure they would all back me up on this…just like in his movie The Dream Team.  

 

I also go around fighting crime dressed like a bat…hiding in the shadows and keeping the streets of Gotham safe…oh man who am I trying to kid…I would just love to have Michelle Pfeiffer sitting on me in the tight black cat suit and licking my face…like in his movie Batman Returns.

I am a blog writer…which is not as easy as it seems…well okay it is but there’s always that desire to be the best, to top the other guys and of course to come out of this on top and to be a success…like in his movie The Paper.

I have a lot to do…I’m a busy man…and the day never seems to be long enough for me to get everything done…so needless to say I need some more Michaels. I thought about making copies of myself…but knowing that the copies are never as good as the original…and also knowing that the original is already a few eggs short of a dozen, like thirteen to be exact…that may not be a good idea…I may end up with some Walmart shoppers on my hands…or worse yet politicians…like in his movie Multiplicity.   

I guess when all is said and done…I’m just plastic man who is trying to take over a Barbie world…like in his movie Toy Story 3.

MJM

“MJM Ponders Life”

1. Why are so many people who are against war take it out on the soldiers…it's not as if the soldiers are for and/or endorse the war necessarily…they are just doing their job…which by the way is to protect us and this great country of ours…the war and the soldiers are not one in the same.

2. We have a zombie apocalypse on our hands…and it's coming from the big pharmaceutical companies… they make you believe that any ailment you suffer from can be cured by a patch, a pill or a cream…regardless of all the crazy side effects…they are turning people into mindless slaves who do their bidding…and make them lots of money.

3. When are people going to realize that there is no such thing as a government for the people…whether it be Democrat or Republican…it is obvious based on past experiences from numerous other Democrats and Republicans who have held office that there is nothing to gain for us common laypeople.

4. Bullying...is that word being taken too lightly nowadays...is it just kids being kids like back when we were in school...or were we bullied ourselves and our parents just sugar coated it…what’s really going on here?

5. In today’s day and age why does hate still exist…as a society do we really not have anything better to do…with all our own issues and faults do we really have the time, or right to hate on anyone else…it just doesn’t make any sense.

6. Way too many people getting offended by one thing or another for no good reason…we spend more time trying to find ways to avoid offending these overly sensitive and/or self-important people then we do trying to manage the national deficit in this country.

7. Why are so many obvious murderers going free nowadays…what is wrong with our justice system…O.J. Simpson was the big name a few years back and now Casey Anthony…what the crap is going on here.

8. Why are people who receive government benefits not drug tested and/or have a background check done on them…anyone who applies for a job has to go through it…so why not these people…I’m not hating on people who truly need these benefits…I just think it needs to be better regulated.

9. Why isn’t marijuana legal…alcohol and cigarettes are…nuff said?

10. Those antismoking commercials are gross…disturbing…and should only be shown to smokers and people who are considering it…us nonsmokers…who know better than to smoke…shouldn’t have to endure that sickness. Cigarettes should come in case where every time the smoker pulls out a cigarette it would play one of those commercials…we know they have the technology to pull it off.

11. Disney channel…what the crap happened?! Back in the day they aired cartoons and shows that were wholesome and kid friendly…now however, they air shows that make Melrose Place seem tame. I was watching it the other day with my two young girls…we were watching a show called “Shake it Up”…and I couldn’t believe how they market these young girls…what type of message are they sending to the kids. I’m not trying to sound like an old fogey…but I mean come on…why does everything have to be risqué?

MJM

“Twenty Reasons You Know You're No Longer in the North”

I couldn't believe how vastly different our worlds were, and no I'm not talking about one continent to another, but the Northern half of the United States to the Southern half. For a Northern boy, who was born and raised in New Jersey and spent the majority of his life up that way, coming to the South was a little bit of a culture shock. Here is a list of twenty things that I come across during my time here, that cemented the fact to me, that I was no longer in the North.

20. Eating parts of a pig that shouldn't been eaten, unless of course they are in the form of a hot dog...like snouts, feet and testicles.

19. Sweet tea and barbecue.

18. Expressions like howdy, hell yeah, yee haw, y'all...and of course git-r-done.

17. Jean jackets and John Deere hats.

16. Everyone owns either a pickup truck or a riding lawn mower.

15. Religious paraphernalia everywhere you go.

14. Names like Cletus, Billy Bob and Jojo...and that's just the women's names.

13. Haven't met a Southerner who wasn't for war.

12. Hunting and hanging animal heads all over your home like you really did something special...if you actually killed Yogi with your bare hands, then I would be impressed, until then stop bragging and acting like you accomplished some amazing feat.

11. They never met a Western movie they didn't like...well that is except for Brokeback Mountain...cowboys are supposed to be riding bulls and horses...not each other.

10. NASCAR.

9. Truck tires so big, when they pull in front of the sun it's like a lunar eclipse.

8. Going to Walmart for a good time.

7. Fireworks...I've never saw people get so excited about things blowing up.

6. Chewing tobacco and spitting it in bottles and cups.

5. Fake testicles hanging from the back of a car/truck bumper.

4. Mullet and rat tail hairstyles.

3. Everyone carries a weapon, is against abortion, hates gays and loves to eat...and they really want to make sure that you agree with all their beliefs...at all costs.

2. No shoes, no shirt, no service means absolutely nothing in the South.

1. People fly the Confederate flag (aka Rebel flag) proudly, as if they really won the Civil War...and when asked why, they say for heritage. That's like your kid getting an "F" on a school paper and you hanging it proudly on the fridge for all to see.

MJM

“Spreading Hate is Not the Loving Thing to do”

People are nuts, I know I’m not really telling you anything you don’t already know, but it just amazes me just how nuts they actually are, especially when it comes to the whole gay issue. When I hear things like, “I don’t mind gay people as long as they don’t try anything” and/or “I’m afraid to leave my children with him/her because they’re gay” I just cringe, and honestly feel ashamed to be part of the human race. I also don’t get the whole ”God made Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve” nonsense, because God also made fruits and vegetables, not burgers and fries…so sit your fat ass down.

My older brother is gay and I myself am as straight as an arrow, I only tell you this because my ex used to be worried that “gay” ran in the family and that one day I would wake up gay and want to be with a man and leave her. I did eventually leave her, obviously or she wouldn’t be my ex, but it had nothing to do with me craving some man meat, honestly it was because she was insane.

My next example of an ignorant homophobic whack job is my girlfriend’s mother, who we like to refer to as the redneck Sanford and Son, mainly because her house looks like a redneck junkyard. Now she has a gay friend, who one night she was going out with to get something to eat, and with me being the kind of person I am I figured I would mess with her a little bit. I told her to be careful, not to get too close to her "gay" friend because she could catch the gay, before she knew it should be have strong cravings for tuna. Me thinking she would know I was joking and just laugh it off, but to my surprise she didn’t, she actually believed me and was now scared to meet up with her friend.

Now the funny thing is, that both these people (my ex and my girlfriend's mother) claim to be Christians, amd they judge more people than Judy, and condemn people to hell as if they were Oprah giving away cars…you’re going to hell…and you’re going to hell…everyone is going to hell. Now please know, that I am not hating on Christians because it’s not Christians who hate gays, it’s narrow minded ignorant people who are trying to deflect the judgment from themselves, trying to keep the skeletons in their closet hidden.

I myself am a straight Christian man and do my best to love as God would want me to. We are not here to judge and/or condemn, we are here to live our lives as an example of what it means to have God in our hearts and hopefully when all is said and done, make the world a better place.

I know fear keeps people from feeling comfortable and uneasy but don't let fear become hate, talk to people who are gay and find out why they feel the way they do. How can someone who is not gay themselves tell you if people are born that way or not, that would be like me trying to tell you how it feels to be a woman, it's just not possible and doesn't make any sense. Don't be ignorant, be educated and make a well-informed opinion, and afterwards if you still don't agree with it that's fine, from that point forward just live and let live. You don't have to agree with it; just don't try to destroy it because I'm sure there are many things people could find about your life they don't agree with too.

If you ask me the whole "sanctity of marriage" argument is a bunch of nonsense too. If you haven't realized it yet, straight couples aren't really keeping marriage all that sanctified. We need to focus on ourselves first, work to make us the best we can possibly be before we go trying to tell others how to live their lives. If you're room is a mess it would be hypocritical to try to tell others to clean up theirs without cleaning up yours first. They don’t keep their tools in your toolshed, so keep your clothes out of their closets.

As far as Chick-fil-a is concerned I'm not against Dan Cathy speaking his mind, he's entitled to believe as he feels fit. I just think if he really wanted to preach about family values and love he would have come forward to tell his supporters not to hold a Chick-fil-a appreciation day to further fan the flames of hate. If you're going to speak on love, go all out, if you're only going to do the job halfway then just keep your mouth closed because we already have way too much of that in this world.

I don't believe God makes mistakes, I think in the beginning he did want marriage to be between one man and one woman to ultimately populate the Earth but after seeing the end result and how corrupt people have become he decided to send in the gays. No more unwanted children born into this world, and to make things even better, they are willing to take care of the children that are in need of love and companionship from others. Ask a child who is hurting for a hug if he/she cares what sex the people are who give it to them, two men and/or two women are better than nobody at all.

Teach your kids love and tolerance and hopefully one day in the future this world would be a better place for all of us. Stop making people feel bad for what they are, or what they’re not, just work on making yourself the best person you can be. Always remember, FAGS is an acronym for “Fabulous and Gorgeous Superstars”.

This message isn't about being pro-gay, that's your business, it's about being anti-hate. It's not what God you follow (or don't), it's not your sexual preference and it's not how you look that makes you evil it's what is in your heart.

This has been a Mele minute...one to grow on.

MJM