Saturday, April 27, 2013

“Twenty Reasons You Know You're No Longer in the North”

I couldn't believe how vastly different our worlds were, and no I'm not talking about one continent to another, but the Northern half of the United States to the Southern half. For a Northern boy, who was born and raised in New Jersey and spent the majority of his life up that way, coming to the South was a little bit of a culture shock. Here is a list of twenty things that I come across during my time here, that cemented the fact to me, that I was no longer in the North.

20. Eating parts of a pig that shouldn't been eaten, unless of course they are in the form of a hot dog...like snouts, feet and testicles.

19. Sweet tea and barbecue.

18. Expressions like howdy, hell yeah, yee haw, y'all...and of course git-r-done.

17. Jean jackets and John Deere hats.

16. Everyone owns either a pickup truck or a riding lawn mower.

15. Religious paraphernalia everywhere you go.

14. Names like Cletus, Billy Bob and Jojo...and that's just the women's names.

13. Haven't met a Southerner who wasn't for war.

12. Hunting and hanging animal heads all over your home like you really did something special...if you actually killed Yogi with your bare hands, then I would be impressed, until then stop bragging and acting like you accomplished some amazing feat.

11. They never met a Western movie they didn't like...well that is except for Brokeback Mountain...cowboys are supposed to be riding bulls and horses...not each other.

10. NASCAR.





9. Truck tires so big, when they pull in front of the sun it's like a lunar eclipse.

8. Going to Walmart for a good time.

7. Fireworks...I've never saw people get so excited about things blowing up.

6. Chewing tobacco and spitting it in bottles and cups.

5. Fake testicles hanging from the back of a car/truck bumper.

4. Mullet and rat tail hairstyles.

3. Everyone carries a weapon, is against abortion, hates gays and loves to eat...and they really want to make sure that you agree with all their beliefs...at all costs.

2. No shoes, no shirt, no service means absolutely nothing in the South.

1. People fly the Confederate flag (aka Rebel flag) proudly, as if they really won the Civil War...and when asked why, they say for heritage. That's like your kid getting an "F" on a school paper and you hanging it proudly on the fridge for all to see.

MJM

9 comments:

  1. I used "y'all" in my blog post today. *hangs head in shame* I also go to Wal-Mart for a good time, but only at two in the morning, because I live in a college town and people are very entertaining at that time of night...

    (Look out Mr Mele, I'm pimping you out next...)

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    1. How could you...using "y'all"...you outta be ashamed of yourself young lady...you know better. I lived in Florida since 2000...and still say "yous guys"...I know it sounds stupid, but I still think it's better than "y'all"...not hating just saying.

      Go on girl...pimp me out...I'll bring you back the cabbage...and maybe an STD or two.

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  2. I never thought of the rebel flag that way, as hanging an F on the fridge :) I do think that the South has the prettiest insults, bless their hearts....

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    1. It is an interesting take on it...isn't it.I'm just afraid that some crazy rebel is going to beat my arse for saying it.

      That's true...they do have a very nice way of telling people to go "F" yourself...I'll give them that.

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  3. You just described my husband's family. I wish I were joking, but I'm not. I have to move the shotgun myself because they don't think it's a big deal that my three year old might want to play with it. After all, he needs ta larn t'shoot at sumpoint. Sigh.

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    1. Don't feel bad...my girlfriend's family is that way too...it's scary...like deliverance scary.

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  4. Hey and LOOK, my friend Kerri is here too :)

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  5. This was my reaction when we moved to Nashville- except add cowboy hats. However, this IS NOT the case in New Orleans. We actually are not part of the South. We are a region all our own. No sweet tea. No accents. No rebel flags. Just a lot of good food and libations! Laissez la bon temp rouler! Let the good times roll!

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    1. New Orleans seems like it would be a really cool place to live. I drove through it once...and stopped for dinner and a football game...and the people were all friendly and very hospitable.

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