“Will Work For a Job”

What is one to do for work nowadays…the supreme commanders…or um I’m mean the higher-ups tell us everything is looking better…that there is a light at the end of this utterly dark tunnel (aka anal cavity)…that jobs are falling from the sky in abundance like raindrops…but as we (the unemployed) know that isn’t the case.

I have looked for work within my field of expertise…and in the areas I have the most experience in…but was faced with more slamming doors than a Jehovah's Witness. All this rejection started making me feel like Snoopy…except for me it wasn’t “dogs” that weren’t allowed…it was work.

I have even applied for jobs that I could have easily done blindfolded with my hands tied behind my back and while standing on my head…but just like with an African American trying to gain entrance into the KKK…I was shot down and looked at like I had two heads.

I have applied for so many freaking jobs over the past few months that if I was paid for my time I would be sitting right next to the Donald up in Trump Towers firing people for ratings…thinking about it, maybe I should do it for a living…anyone want me to apply for a job for them.

I jump with excitement to my phone when it rings…like a child on Christmas Eve with hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there…but unfortunately my excitement quickly turns to dismay…when I realize it is not a job offer but  just another bill collector looking for money.

I have come to the conclusion that “work” doesn’t want me…like as if it was an ex-lover I cheated on and/or wronged in some way…I wouldn’t really be all that surprised if at some point in the upcoming days I’m served a restraining order from it.

I’m not giving up though…”work” is like the Russian in Rocky IV…and I’m Rocky…okay maybe I’m more like Rocky from “Rocky and Bullwinkle”…but nevertheless I still have the eye of the tiger baby.

Life isn’t like a box of chocolates…it’s like a buttplug…short, hard and stinks like ass…but don’t give up people it will get better and just remember you are not alone.

MJM

P.S. Republicans…please note that I am not on any kind of government assistance program…I’m just unemployed and actively looking for work…so please step down off your soapbox and put away your guns.